Here lately, I've put a lot of thought into moving back to Oklahoma. I just heard all the gasps and sighs and rattling from all of your heads shaking. I know what you're thinking, you've waited so long to get here and now you just want to leave? Well, I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was talking to a dear friend the other day, the one person who I think really does understand where my heart is. I sit here and think about how my dream has always been to work in the "music industry". Yet when people say, what do you want to do? I simply say "music industry." The next question is what part? Honestly, I don't know. I never thought of that. I just wanted to be in "the music industry." The more I think about it, the less appealing it seems. Would I love to go on the road? Absolutely. That's just it, thats really the only thing I can see myself doing in this industry. Granted, I may find a job and love it, but I just don't know. I'm not worried about finding a job, that comes with time, I'm worried about getting a job and going, why am I doing this?
I used to cry coming into this city. The beauty of it, the wonder of what it held for me. All of my dreams were here. My friends were here, I had this circle of amazing people, and we all cared about each other, and dreamed together. Now everything has become so complicated, and once again, I'm just that little knot in the middle. Sometimes it just feels like everything that was holding me together here is falling apart, slowly fading away. Nothing stays the same, but the radical changes going on around me lately are about to drive me to the bottom. It makes me sad and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Ah, even glitter turns to dust i suppose.
Anyway, gotta run. Whip together an early dinner, then head to work.
I love you all.
OKIE love,
-Lyssa
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